Is Going “No Contact” Biblical?

I have been attempting to better educate myself on trending group think for younger generations.  I’m not sure when the generational gap widened so distinctly, but I am in the unenviable position of trying to better understand positions that I may not fully agree with.  

In our culture, there is a current trend, dare I even say unholy movement, to cut off anyone that disagrees with, or disappoints you. Some call it “having boundaries,” and others refer to it as “going no contact.”

For those of you that are unaware of this phenomenon, I offer the following quote I came across this past April as an explanation. “It’s a social media epidemic, it’s ‘trendy’ right now to estrange yourself from your parents.  I’m not discounting adult children who truly suffered abuse, but a large majority were raised by loving parents, who are also human and made parenting mistakes like we all have, and are now considered villains in their adult children’s eyes.  There are a lot of adult children out there that enjoy living as perpetual victims because social media told them they are.  Again, I am not discounting adult children that suffered real abuse, in fact, I’m angry for them because this ‘my parents were soooo toxic’ culture takes away from those that were truly abused and neglected.” (Facebook: Grown and Flown, April 11, 2025, Discussion comment on “Our child left for college seemingly happy and healthy. Yet, over time, we’ve been labeled as toxic or narcissistic parents who allegedly don’t respect boundaries.”)

“My peace is my priority.”  Is another quote I read somewhere when skimming through post comments online.  I wish I was able to properly provide credits, but I don’t even recall which page I was perusing when I came across it, and it’s a fairly pervasive opinion.  However, this value is contrary to Scripture, as it is a statement that implies we are priority over all else, including God.  When asked, “What is the greatest commandment,” Jesus summed it all up by instructing us to love God and love people.

We do not have true and complete peace outside of the Lord.  Colossians 3:15 says, “And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.“  The context of this verse is living in relationship with others.  When we prioritize our comfort over relationships and submitting to God’s correction, we idolize a romanticized version of peace.  In a place of correction, God can disrupt selfishly rooted peace and create discomfort while simultaneously offering His true and complete Peace.

In the Bible, we are told about a father with two sons.  Both have heart issues that need to be addressed, although one is more glaringly obvious.  One son stays home out of the duty of expectation, and the other demands his inheritance prematurely.  With the monetary security in place, that son leaves home using the finances to engage in a lifestyle contrary to his father’s values.

There is a rebellious ideation that some find enticing.  These thoughts can culminate in the belief that it is more exciting to abandon Godly values and teachings of parents and family choosing instead to embark on the journey of discovering something new.  I would go so far as to say that today, our culture seems to celebrate such actions as “appropriate” and expected individuation.  I even heard a preacher make the comment that he thinks this phenomenon started in the 1960s, but clearly, it dates back to Biblical times, given the previous account which can be found in Luke 15:11-32.  

As we listen to sermons on this text, we tend to overlook the fact that the one son is exercising appearances of loyalty and devotion by checking all the right boxes but is removed from true relationship with the father.  So, while the one physically, and very visibly, made a display of leaving, the other son had parted in his heart; meaning neither are enjoying the fellowship and true relationship with the father.

Sadly, I see this occurring in numerous families.  I wish I could say that I see it less in families that have been living and teaching Biblical principles, however, anecdotal and circumstantial evidence says that it is just as big a problem in the church as it is outside of the church.  I think this has come about because there is less ability to draw the line between right and wrong as God defines it.  Partial truths have seeped in, and what may sound okay on the surface isn’t actually defendable by the standard laid forth in the Bible.

All earthly relationships have challenges to be overcome simply because neither person is perfect.  However, when we start to adopt a philosophy of backing away from honorable confrontation and authentic conflict resolution simply because it feels uncomfortable, we have contributed to the growing problem.  Timing may be adjusted by the Holy Spirit to allow the most beneficial outcome, but pure avoidance isn’t Biblical.  How do I know?  Because we have instructions for how to handle conflict. See Matthew 18:15-17, Romans 12:16-21, Ephesians 4:32,

Colossians 3:13, Titus 3:10-11.  Some instructions are given within the confines of church family and fellowship, while others apply to all relationships.  We need to acknowledge the differences in each context as Believers are held to a higher standard.  Remember, onlookers will know we are Christians by our love… especially in the midst of conflict.

There is a new and damaging continuum that has emerged which tends to operate only on the poles rather than with any semblance of balance.  In this continuum, one pole or end says you can only communicate positive sentiments and never correct or constructively critique (noting that all correction and critique is received as criticism). At the other end of the spectrum, proponents say that for one to ask another to acknowledge any of their relational contribution(s) or acts of service means that it is solely performance based.  The receiving party may even go so far as to assume that someone has only acted so in a desire to control or manipulate, therefore labelling them as narcissistic even though diagnostic criteria is not actually met (thanks in part to the mental health forum of “Dr. Google & Dr. Tik Tok” et al ).  In such extreme positioning, there is no ability to safely communicate, exchange ideas, emotionally relate, form, or function within a mutually beneficial relationship.  

Now, add boundaries into the mix, and you have an even bigger mess!  Not because boundaries are inherently bad, but because they are quickly becoming unexpressed expectations that once violated, to any degree, provide perceived sufficient justification to cut off all contact.  In other words, instead of being used to foster healthy engagement, boundaries are becoming weaponized and isolating.

Boundaries have become twisted and perverted to uphold self-importance as the highest priority.  Boundaries should not be selfishly motivated.  They are to be guardrails that bring safety for all parties.  God has boundaries.  He calls right, right, and wrong, wrong, but He also went so far as to make a way for us to be reconciled with Him, by sacrificing Jesus, His only Son. 

Healthy boundaries can be put in place to avoid enabling sinful choices and behavior, however, remember that Christ engaged with all people, even the unlovely ones.  Henry Cloud, an authority on boundaries, addresses the misuse of them by writing, “Boundaries aren’t meant to shut people out.  They’re meant to protect your relationships while keeping what matters safe.”  (Facebook: Henry Cloud, June 2, 2025) 

This relational severance, without any attempt to discuss the matter, violates the Biblical model of conflict resolution.  It is in direct opposition to Christ’s instruction to forgive.  

With the dismantling of numerous relationships and eroding supportive communities, we are witnessing a decline in personal wellbeing.  When we can cut off anything uncomfortable, we not only rebel against self-control and discipline looking for the “easy button,” but we foster an environment of artificial relationship and isolation where our own values reign supreme.

In such a model, we no longer:

1. …are operating within God’s directives designed for our benefit and protection.
2. …value marriage which is indicated by lowered marriage rates and high divorce rates due to infidelity, irreconcilable differences, and no fault divorce.
3. …hold the family unit with any regard; parents are easily ignored, dishonored, and discarded.
4. …want to engage in faith communities that espouse a higher standard and uphold morals.
5. …look to have meaningful friendships substituting such relationships for surface, temporary, feel good, or brief encounters.

We are falling prey to an evil scheme designed to remove us from any support of community and leave us in a place of never being truly seen, known, valued, or cherished by another.  If satan can accomplish this, he sets in place a stronghold that locks one into their own thoughts which can be continual torment.

God designed us to live in relationship and community.  To pull ourselves out of this relational model is to live outside of His design for the best.

Relationships require both parties to invest in the connection and take risks because the reality is that not everything is going to be easy or comfortable.  The Bible instructs us to lovingly address all conflict, forgive, and work towards reconciliation.  Only after we have done our part, can we cut off relationships with those who are not willing to do their part to reconcile. 

Scriptures for further study:

Matthew 5:23-24; 7:1-5, 18:15-17

Luke 17:3-4

Romans 12:16-21

1 Corinthians 6:1-7; 13:1-13

Ephesians 4:15, 25-5:2

Philippians 2:3-4

Colossians 3:12-17

2 Timothy 3:14-17

Titus 3:10-11